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In this day and age, it’s frustrating for people like me to see how easy it is to just “hook-up” with other people, without anything meaningful coming out of it. You want a one night stand? Oh, there’s an app for that. You want a date for the night so you don’t have to feel lonely? Oh, there’s an app for that too. And if you want someone to pay all your bills while you do God-knows-what in exchange for it, I’m pretty sure there’s an app for that too.

But what about those of us who never got into the “Swipe Right, Swipe Left” fad? Those of us who would much rather meet someone in a club or a bar or even at the grocery store? Yes, it’s still easy to find one night stands in situations like those too. But the fun part about meeting people in real life versus meeting them on the internet is that there is still that mystery and excitement about what each person is going to bring to your life. Since we aren’t technically “opting in” via an app that states we just want to have consensual casual sex for the night, which in my opinion takes all the fun out of the flirting and even the “trying,” we still get to feel that excitement of wondering when that new boy or girl we just met is actually going to call us later, or in some cases, tomorrow.

So for the guys out there who haven’t succumbed to the lazy way of getting chicks (no offense to those that just plain out like to get their girls from the internet- more power to ya), this blog post is for you. As a girl who has never met anyone off a dating site or app in her life, I can tell you that there are still plenty of us who still exist and are looking for more than just a hook-up or some sugar daddy to pay our bills. Some of us appreciate that there are still men out there who are old-fashioned like us and prefer to meet someone by having a face to face conversation with them, whether it be in a bar or a bookstore. There’s just something so much more classy and genuine about it, to me at least.

And for those guys, I will tell you the easiest and most painless way to ask a girl on a date face-to-face, even if you’re shy. But first, you need to make sure you know a few key things about her (and if this is some random stranger that you have just been eyeing across the club all night, it might be a little harder, but there are still cues and signs of the things I am about to tell you to look out for). For one, make sure she doesn’t have a boyfriend! If she is a complete stranger, then you really didn’t know and that’s not your fault. That’s when you make a gentleman’s remark, such as “Well, he’s really a lucky guy,” smile, and walk away. She’ll appreciate that, trust me.

But if she isn’t someone random off the street and you are able to find out some information about her from a local bartender at the bar you know she frequents on Fridays, or maybe she is a friend of a friend, you must do so. No, it isn’t creepy. In fact, it will make everything go a lot smoother when the time comes to ask her out. Because you don’t want to hit on a girl that’s taken (in a serious relationship or married); but if she’s just dating, then you may still have a chance. So try and figure out her status first before you go for it,

Second, you obviously need to get her to notice you. Ah, you probably thought I was going to jump right into going up and talking to her. Wrong! If you get her to notice you prior to your encounter, she will be more apt to have a conversation with you because whatever it was that you did that made her take notice of your presence, if executed properly, is still going to be fresh in her mind. She might even be thinking about you for a while, which would be 200% what you want her to do. You don’t have to necessarily create a huge scene at the bar, or put on silly music and dance, but I would suggest using either your best talents or personality traits to make sure that you stand out to her more than anyone else at the bar. If you’re known to be funny, tell a lot of good jokes to the bartender from a couple seats away. If you are good at pool, play a couple rounds of pool and make sure to be loud about it when you hit a ball in or beat your competitor. Whatever you choose to do, make sure that you do not come off as arrogant or egotistical; she will be turned off immediately and there goes your chance.

Once you are sure that she has noticed you and at least knows you exist, now it’s time to make your move. You could do the cheesy “buy her a drink” move, but believe it or not, that doesn’t always go over so well. Some girls don’t even drink, but they go to the club or the bar for the atmosphere, and you don’t want to offend her. Also, some girls might take that as a sign that you are just another dude trying to get her wasted to take her home and take advantage of her. Another offensive thought to a girl. Instead, why don’t you start to involve her in whatever it was that you were doing that caught her attention in the first place?

For example, if it was playing pool, ask your competitor if they want to play the next game in teams and ask her if she would like to be your partner. Just go right up to her and introduce herself, tell her how pretty the dress she is wearing looks on her or how pretty her eyes are, and then ask if she would be interested in being your partner in a game of teams. She may say no right off the bat out of shock, because she doesn’t know you and feels put on the spot (especially if she doesn’t know how to play). But you could still save the situation by lightening the mood and telling her “You know, I am not that good either and I was actually hoping I could use you to distract the other team so they don’t notice how bad I really am.” If executed with a slight smile and some charm, most girls won’t be able to resist.

Or maybe the way you got her attention was by telling jokes. When you know she has noticed you, try asking her a joke instead of the bartender. Just please make sure it isn’t a crude guy humor-type joke or anything that could be considered offensive. Whether she laughs or not, pick-up your drink and walk up next to her, reach out your hand and introduce yourself. Most girls will appreciate the forwardness and recognize that you may have just made yourself look silly to get her attention and come talk to her.

Depending on the way you got her attention, there are an infinite number of examples I could give you, but I do not have all day to write this and you do not have all night to read this, because you’ve got to get out there and meet your dream girl!

So once you have got her talking, it’s really up to you. If you like where the conversation is going and you feel like you are hitting it off, don’t be afraid to ask her if she would like to go to dinner with you some time. If she says yes, ask for her cell number. If she says no, don’t push it. Girls will interpret that as desperation and it’s never a good look. Make sure you do NOT kiss her until your actual date (if you do manage to get to that point with her – hopefully!) and if you want a second date with her, for God’s sake, keep it in your pants! I know it’s hard, believe me, I am a nympho myself. But unless you are just looking for sex (which as I previously mentioned, you can find with much less effort with an app or a site on the internet), you don’t want to come off as a man-whore because she will lose respect for you. EVEN if she comes onto you; try your hardest to let her know how beautiful she is but that you want to show her that you respect her so you have a “two date rule” (or something like that… girls tend to back-off when guys say things like that because we have those too and we actually understand their importance).

In the end, asking a girl out is purely situational and can happen at any time, anywhere, in any way. But if you want to really be a guy who stands out in her mind and has a higher success rate at getting dates, I would at least take a little of this advice and run with it. It is written by a girl, after all. And I know what girls like!


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